Is it lonely being so smart?
How does it feel when they call you crazy for talking over their heads? Do you ever sleep with your restless mind?
What’s it like flying through leaves like the wind knowing they can only acknowledge you if you’re contained?
To be built to swim against the tide yet you spend your days wishing you could let go and swim with the rest of them. Let their tide carry you for once.
What’s it like to die everyday so others can live?
To see the end game all by yourself. To be everywhere and nowhere at the same time?
How do you keep going?
Why do you wake up and do it again?
Tell me.



“Funnily enough, as drenched as I am [from the rain] and as sad as I feel (because mornings are generally rough) I have never felt more relieved to not be at home. I feel so so sad. But I have to block that out so I can teach…*sigh* Not so fun being on the other side, is it?” 

When I wrote the quote above that day [sometime last year], I had just been rained on and I was drying off in a random corridor on campus. I was pissed off because I had decided at the last minute to not wear my gumboots and my raincoat. I really believed it wouldn’t rain despite the grey clouds I saw in the sky. [It poured five minutes after I left the house.] And I’m not a morning person, as already stated, so it was doubly rough. But I couldn’t back out. I had to teach It was my job. I was getting paid for it. So I put my feelings aside and taught. And felt happy afterwards….and again the next week and the week after that.

I kinda knew that the day would come where I would have to tutor/teach a class. I just didn’t believe it actually would. [Some background as to why: I was repeatedly told that I would make a sucky teacher because I have zero patience (true) and I don’t like repeating myself when I talk (also true). One day I believed it and it stuck….until now.] So the day came when I had to tutor my first class ever in my life. And I was nervous. I had a meltdown the night before. I re-read the instructions for the class I dunno how many times. I prepped adequately and it still didn’t feel like enough. I thought of every situation that could go wrong and came up with as many solutions to the problems as possible. I was convinced that I’d fuck up…completely. One thing that I did right was arrive an hour early. Because I spent that entire hour tryina find the venue….which I did eventually. My first class was awkward. I was nervous, but I hid it well. And in my nervousness, I somehow strangely felt at home. Teaching came naturally to me. I never thought that it would. The more tutorials I took, the more I enjoyed it….even if the content was a bit boring at times.

Until I had a bad day…

Which was today. (To be continued.)

10 Things I Learned From Being The ‘Weird Kid’

*sigh* Story of my life…. :/

Thought Catalog

From childhood to my budding adult life I have carried with me a sense of unusualness, like I am some kind of enigmatic anomaly. I have found myself labelled the odd ball, the black sheep, and the “weirdo”. It’s become my shadow following me to every corner of the globe and a feeling that’s hard to shake. Whether it is through my own presumption or true fact (one informs the other) that is to be debated. Nonetheless, I have reluctantly taken up this moniker and have learned throughout the years that it is as much a blessing as it is a curse.

1. Your Self-awareness needs to be more self-aware.

Most people who are called a weirdo in school usually aren’t too aware how they’re coming off, as often, it’s not the way they imagine. My learning curve of this was in the 6th grade when one of my classmates…

View original post 593 more words

18 Signs You’re Doing Better Than You Think

Thought Catalog

1. You complain about your body or face and everyone around you rolls their eyes.

2. You obsess over a tiny pimple no one is noticing, because you almost never have skin problems.

3. One piece of hair won’t do what you want and you think everyone is looking at it.

4. You make some headway on a project you’re working on but beat yourself up that you didn’t finish it or do as much as you’d have liked to. Some people haven’t done anything productive today.

5. You make a little mistake but it’s fixable and not a disaster and you learned a valuable lesson from it.

6. You worry about not having enough friends, but if you even have one close friend you love and trust and who loves and trusts you, you’re doing better than a lot of lonely people.

7. You could afford a cup of…

View original post 249 more words

Once Is Enough

Thought Catalog

Once is enough to see your parents cry. Watching their eyes grow glossy as streaks of tears drip down their sunken-in cheeks as your stomach grows completely hollow. The people who raised you are now stripped with nothing but their vulnerability. Being strong is the only option you have left.

Once is enough to be cheated on. The seed of trust you planted, watered, and gave light to has become rotted with betrayal. You find it unbearable to even think about constructing this idea of faith with someone completely new and different. It’s wiping yourself completely naked and risking your stitched up heart once again.

Once is enough to break up with a friend. Memories have grown gray and their face appears foreign. It’s painful to try and forget the effortless comfort you mutually shared. When your trust wilted from a loved one’s disloyalty, at least you had your best…

View original post 235 more words

30 Other Things Every Woman Should Know By 30

Thought Catalog

A list of “30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know” has been popping up everywhere lately. Most recently on The Huffington Post, where it has received 22,800 Facebook “likes” and over 3,000 “Pins” in the past two days alone. The advice includes making sure you have “a black lace bra” and “an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.” (Because those are the items women need to lead inspired lives.) Over the years I’ve compiled my own list, which I’d like to share with you now. It assumes a basic knowledge of rain gear and undergarments.
  1. Always ask for more money at your job, even if you don’t think you deserve it.
  2. Try to be kind to the people who are rude to you. It’s not personal, they’re just having a really bad day/month/life.
  3. Don’t go to doctors that advertise. Ask a friend for a recommendation.

View original post 350 more words

How To Treat Hypersensitive People…

As you would any other person. Taking your cue from them. You see, in order to ‘read’ hypersensitive people, you yourself have to be somewhat sensitive. Or at least aware. You have to be able to look outside of yourself and what you see. The good thing about this is that you get to choose when to be sensitive/aware.

We don’t. We just are. All day everyday.

To be continued…..

Thought Catalog


1. Make a playlist of all your favorite songs, old ones you may have totally forgotten about from middle school or ones that bring back good memories.

2. Take a walk outside. I find I only start to feel worse and wallow if I let myself melt into my bed and engage in the bad feelings.

3. Organize your drawers or closet. It feels good to be productive when you feel like a worthless idiot on the inside. You can look at your clean clothes and feel like a human again.

4. Eat something decadent. Make an ice cream sundae or smores. They’re not just for camping!

5. Go through your phone and delete anyone you no longer talk to or anyone who sucks and makes your life worse.

6. Draw. I have a stack of paper and some colored pencils for just such an occasion. It’s relaxing and fun…

View original post 468 more words