“Funnily enough, as drenched as I am [from the rain] and as sad as I feel (because mornings are generally rough) I have never felt more relieved to not be at home. I feel so so sad. But I have to block that out so I can teach…*sigh* Not so fun being on the other side, is it?”
When I wrote the quote above that day [sometime last year], I had just been rained on and I was drying off in a random corridor on campus. I was pissed off because I had decided at the last minute to not wear my gumboots and my raincoat. I really believed it wouldn’t rain despite the grey clouds I saw in the sky. [It poured five minutes after I left the house.] And I’m not a morning person, as already stated, so it was doubly rough. But I couldn’t back out. I had to teach It was my job. I was getting paid for it. So I put my feelings aside and taught. And felt happy afterwards….and again the next week and the week after that.
I kinda knew that the day would come where I would have to tutor/teach a class. I just didn’t believe it actually would. [Some background as to why: I was repeatedly told that I would make a sucky teacher because I have zero patience (true) and I don’t like repeating myself when I talk (also true). One day I believed it and it stuck….until now.] So the day came when I had to tutor my first class ever in my life. And I was nervous. I had a meltdown the night before. I re-read the instructions for the class I dunno how many times. I prepped adequately and it still didn’t feel like enough. I thought of every situation that could go wrong and came up with as many solutions to the problems as possible. I was convinced that I’d fuck up…completely. One thing that I did right was arrive an hour early. Because I spent that entire hour tryina find the venue….which I did eventually. My first class was awkward. I was nervous, but I hid it well. And in my nervousness, I somehow strangely felt at home. Teaching came naturally to me. I never thought that it would. The more tutorials I took, the more I enjoyed it….even if the content was a bit boring at times.
Until I had a bad day…
Which was today. (To be continued.)