Pretend Or Let Go

Someone just told me to leave all my sorrow
If that is true, I don’t know who to be
Could be these troubles are part of the plan
Could be we need the bad just to take a chance
So I forgive what was taken from me
I will be free from the picture you paint, you see.
Tell them:”These troubles are out of your hands”
Tell them: “You’re free to use them to clap and dance” – Pretend by Seinabo Sey

 

 

Day 28: A Beautiful Mind

[Warning: Possible spoiler alerts]

Listen.
I love the movie that is A Beautiful Mind. The documentary of course gives the true story way more depth. For one, Alicia and John get divorced and she takes care of him despite this (they remarry many years later) even though in the movie they are portrayed as remaining together throughout his dealing with his schizophrenia. Two…nah let me not. Just watch the movie. It’s long as fuck, but watch it. Then find the documentary on Youtube.

This movie (and story) gives me hope because…To have somebody stick with you through all your ups and downs throughout your life. To have somebody get you like that and understand the methods in your madness whether it’s a significant other or friend or whatever…To have that?! Yeah. When I am much older, I wanna be chilling on the balcony, having a drink and be like: “Man, we went through some shit hey? Remember *insert year and/or narrative*”

 

Days 24 and 25: Uneasy

 The dis-ease, the discomfort and the disruption of 2015 has unraveled my safety net. 

When I think about the things that I have normalized about myself and about the society I live in…When I go as deep as I can go, I see that to be me most times is to feel unsafe.

It reminds me of the man who threatened to follow me home and rape me (if he knew where I lived). And how I got home shaken and changed routes after that. Of the man who grabbed my arm as I was walking to ask me for my number…And how my first thought was to not upset him because I want to stay alive. These things cannot hurt me now, I thought. Until I woke up to #RapeAtAzania.

Because you carry the world and the black man to his greatness.

But black woman, you remain on your own.